A relationship should be beautiful, filled with happiness and some healthy arguments. However, a toxic relationship is something that is exhausting physically as well as emotionally. A toxic relationship is a form of unhealthy or dysfunctional relationship.
In a healthy relationship, people grow together and are compatible. However, in an unhealthy relationship people often fight, and don’t respect each other. It includes a lot of gaslighting, and abuse (emotionally, physically and mentally).
However, generalising that love is toxic isn’t a good idea. People are toxic, whereas, love is a beautiful feeling.
Similar readings:
5 Signs of an Unhealthy Relationship
5 Ways to Know If You Are in True Love
Toxic Relationship Signs
When you are in an unhealthy relationship, people don’t usually know it until much later.
Here are a few toxic relationship signs;
- Big Fights
Fights in a relationship are okay, but when you are fighting way too often, yelling at each other, or bringing up each other’s past to win an argument, that is a clear sign of poor communication. It shows that you let your ego win rather than caring about your partner’s feelings.
A healthy relationship may have fights, but you and your partner should understand. It’s about solving a problem together, not putting each other down to win it.
- Controlling
People assume that when someone is controlling it is very obvious. However, that is not true because it is subtly justified as caring for them. A toxic partner will try to control all aspects of your life, including who you talk to, what you wear, how to behave, etc.
A controlling partner will always try to tell you what to do, and how to do it, they sabotage your self-esteem by making you believe you aren’t good enough. Moreover, they also make you doubt your self-confidence and try to make you dependent on them.
- Obsessive
Caring for a partner is healthy without a doubt. However, when things start escalating to an extreme level where they invade your personal space, it becomes suffocating.
- Feeling guilty
A person in an unhappy relationship usually carries guilt because they often find themselves lying to their partner. They lie about basic things like, who they are friends with, who they talk to, or where they are going simply because they don’t approve of your friends, or just don’t understand your point of view.
- Self-Centred
A toxic partner is someone who is pretty self-centered; this means they don’t care about your feelings, opinions, or views. They always find ways to make things about themselves and don’t respect your feelings.
- Put You Down / Discourage you
Someone who constantly puts you down doesn’t celebrate your achievements, and they make you feel your achievements are not a big deal. Moreover, they will constantly put you down, and they don’t believe in you, which makes you feel unworthy.
- Codependency
This is one of the reasons why people find it difficult to leave an unhealthy relationship. They create codependency such that a person will forget who they really are. In simpler words, they lose their own identity.
A toxic partner always controls your decisions because they make you feel like you aren’t smart enough to make them on your own. They do this with every decision you make so you always need to depend on them.
- Compare you to others
When you are in a dysfunctional relationship, your partner will always compare you to others which will make you feel like you aren’t good enough. They do this so that you feel that if they leave the relationship they will not find anyone else because you aren’t deserving.
- Manipulative
When you are in an unhealthy relationship, your partner will always try to manipulate you to prove their point. They will always try to make you feel inferior, and portray an image of themselves as if they are perfect.
- Abusive
Abuse can be physical, verbal, emotional, and mental. If you are in an abusive relationship or know someone who is in a relationship try to seek help as soon as possible
- Gaslighting
A partner that gaslights you always try to play around with words telling you phrases such as:
“I never said that.”
“You’re being delusional.“
“You misunderstood me.”
If you want more information on what gaslighting is read What is gaslighting?
Why Don’t People Get Out Of Toxic Relationships
Many times when a person is in an unhappy relationship, they don’t even know it themselves. Even when they do realise, they have a difficult time leaving, since it is really difficult to break off a relationship of years, that consists of several memories and attachments.
What may be obvious to you, isn’t necessarily obvious to others. This is because a toxic partner is very manipulative and subtle in their behaviour. They manipulate their partner into thinking that they care about them. Sadly, it’s more about dominating and controlling their partner.
Some examples of an unhealthy relationship could be – Controlling what a person wears, telling them they are overreacting, controlling their decisions, etc.
When someone is in an unhappy relationship it isn’t obvious to them. Yet, it’s clear to you as you see it from a third-person perspective and see the red flags. However, the person in the relationship would think that their partner cares for them.
Some Common phrases used by people who have toxic partners are:
“He is not possessive, he is just jealous.”
“No, he doesn’t mind if I wear crop tops he just says I look fat in them.”
“He cares for my health, that is why he controls what I eat.”
“He just slapped me because he was drunk/angry.”
People who have toxic partners are very likely to justify their partner’s actions because they are also brainwashed into thinking like this.
What Does A Toxic Relationship Do To You?
Overall, a toxic relationship will:
- Make you lose your self-worth
- Increase your dependency on your partner
- Make you lose your identity
- Exhaust you physically, mentally, and emotionally
- Take a toll on your mental health
How Can I Leave A Toxic Relationship?
Leaving a toxic relationship is not easy. It requires a lot of courage, support and strength. A toxic relationship will drain a person emotionally and mentally making it difficult to leave.
Hence, if you are trying to leave a toxic relationship or help a person leave a toxic relationship, try to get support from friends or family members you trust. If you fear things might escalate it’s advisable to seek professional help.
Conclusion
A dysfunctional relationship does not mean love is toxic, but the person is. Leaving a toxic relationship isn’t always easy, but it is important. If your partner always compares you to others it makes you feel like you aren’t good enough. They do this so that the other person feels that if they leave the relationship they will not find anyone else because they aren’t deserving.